confidence isn't built, it must be earned

“Build your confidence!” It’s a phrase we hear often, but is it really that simple? The idea that confidence is something you can just summon from thin air is misleading. Confidence isn’t built; it’s earned, and often through a combination of hard work, perseverance, and small victories that create a solid track record. I can tell you this because for most of my early life, confidence was something I lacked.

Growing up, I faced my share of adversity. It seemed like I was always on the back foot, never quite excelling at anything. Even in soccer, a sport I dedicated 12 years to, playing week after week, I struggled to find success. That lack of achievement carried over into other parts of my life, eroding my self-esteem. My childhood wasn’t filled with the typical wins or affirmations that help build a foundation of confidence. By the time I joined Meta, my imposter syndrome was in full swing.

Starting at Meta was both exhilarating and terrifying. I had never worked at any company before, let alone at one as massive and high-stakes as Meta. The imposter syndrome was overwhelming. Every day, I felt like I didn’t belong. I kept thinking, “What if they realize I’m not good enough?” I’d never experienced that kind of professional environment, and my internal dialogue was full of doubts. The fear of underperformance weighed heavily on me, leading me to work long hours. I even pulled an all-nighter once—not because anyone asked me to, but because I felt I needed to prove my worth. I hoped that by putting in more time and effort, I’d convince both my team and myself that I was hardworking and capable.

Despite the self-imposed pressure, I was fortunate enough to work with an incredibly supportive team. My managers were patient with me, especially during one-on-one meetings where I frequently sought feedback. Their tolerance and guidance helped me inch forward, even when I felt like I was falling behind.

Then came the breakthrough. A year into my role, I received an “Exceed” rating in my performance review—something I hadn’t expected. That moment was pivotal for me. It was the validation I’d been craving, a tangible sign that I was doing well, even if I hadn’t realized it. With that rating, the imposter syndrome began to lose its grip. Project by project, my confidence started to build. I began to trust myself more and second-guess myself less. Slowly, I found myself becoming more proactive, taking ownership of responsibilities without hesitation. The imposter that once dictated my every thought shrank, and eventually, it felt like it had disappeared.

But my story isn’t unique. I’m not an outlier. During my time at Meta, I had the opportunity to talk with senior engineers—people with a decade of experience under their belts—and many of them admitted to feeling imposter syndrome when they first joined. Even seasoned professionals were susceptible to that nagging doubt. It was both comforting and eye-opening to realize that this feeling was more common than I thought.

Later, I was fortunate enough to onboard many new hires. If there’s one quality I would instill in every newcomer, it would be confidence. In an environment as fast-paced and demanding as Meta, confidence can be the difference between merely surviving and truly thriving. New hires often struggle to keep up with the pace and expectations, and it’s easy to doubt yourself in those early stages. But I learned that with time, perseverance, and a few small victories, confidence will follow.

For anyone dealing with imposter syndrome, know this: confidence isn’t a starting point; it’s a destination. It’s something you earn through hard work, through your achievements, and even your failures. The key is to keep moving forward, one project at a time, and before long, you’ll notice the shift. You won’t just be going through the motions—you’ll be owning them.

So, no, confidence isn’t something you just “build” overnight. It’s something you earn. And if I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: Keep pushing. The confidence will come.